My Life… My Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder.  Is this really the life for me?  Is there really light at the end of the tunnel?  Is this where I am really supposed to be?

My over-analytical self is telling me to evaluate which goals I have accomplished so far.  To say it honestly, there wasn’t really much.  I am again questioning whether the path I thought would lead me to my goal is really the way.  Do I really have to wait that long?  Am I too impatient?  What do else do I need to do to expedite the process? 

I’m tired.

i am not an athlete.  but i think i am starting to get athlete’s foot.  eeww!  as i was coming home from church today clad in my stilletto boots, i started getting itchy feet.  i planned on scouring the mall after listening to the priest’s sermon, but due to the discomfort i was feeling, i readily decided to go home.

i immediately removed my boots upon hitting home and saw the redness on my toes.  "what the hell is this?" was my first thought.  so paranoid as i am, i immediately googled possible foot maladies.  and true enough, athlete’s foot was the most probable culprit.  according to medicinenet.com, the first symptom of athlete’s foot is an itchy burning sensation accompanied by redness.  crap!  that was exactly what i was feeling.  so without wasting much time, i stormed the drug store and picked up an anti-fungal cream and another anti-fungal liquid.  (i plan on applying the cream in the morning and the liquid at night.)  then i thought, how did i get it? 

after not much thought, it became clear to me.  when i was in the shower room of the gym i go to, i forgot my slippers and had to walk barefoot.  back then, i knew there was a risk of harboring unsafe microorganisms.  but then i thought to myself, what the heck!  life is all about risks.  a little dose of germs here and there wouldn’t hurt.  true, it wouldn’t.  but i discounted the fact that i was going home in my closed shoes and i am going to be wearing closed shoes day in and day out.  i was also very careless about not washing my foot when i got home.  i was thinking, i already showered at the gym so i am virtually clean. buzz…wrong again.   

oh well, now that the fungus is starting camp on my foot, i better act fast and hand over the eviction notice.  but still i cannot get over the idea of how someone like me who is bordering upon being obsessive compulsive get athlete’s foot. Carelessness, that’s what it is. and of course, shit happens. 

Lintik! May pinuntahan akong tindahan kanina tapos ang sungit nung instik na may-ari.  Naglaba kasi ako tapos naisip kong mag-ikot muna para pampatanggal ng antok.  Napadaan ako sa tindahan nya dahil sa lahat ng tindahan sa lugar na iyon sila lang ang bukas.  Maliit lang yung tindahan nya at masikip pa pero puro mumurahin ang benta.  Natuwa ako dahil may maliliit na nakakatuwang bagay na 99 cents lang. 

Habang pumipili ako ng plastik na food keeper, padaan-daan sya sa tabi ko.  Hindi ko naman pinansin dahil akala ko nag-aayos lang sya ng paninda.  Nung babayaran ko na yung pinamili ko, may sinasabi sya sa kasama nyang instik na sa tingin ko’y tungkol sa akin.  Nung binigay na nya yung sukli ko, sabi nya sakin: "too long shopping."  Nainis ako.  Sa isip ko, "anong problema mo dun?"  Kaya nung palabas na ako, sabi ko sa kanya:  "kung ayaw mong pumasok at tumingin-tingin yung mga tao dito, magsara ka na!"  Nanlaki yung singkit nyang mata at nagtataka kung anong sinabi ko.  Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay habang ako’y palabas na sa kanyang munting tindahan. 

Maybe you didn’t really care about me the way I thought you did.  Maybe I was expecting too much more;

Maybe everything we ever had was all but an illusion…a world I’ve created for myself to fulfill my romantic fantasies;

Maybe we are better off with other people.  Perhaps all my heartaches will end with you;

Maybe we aren’t really meant for each other.  Thus, maybe time has come for me to finally let you go.