My Life… My Thoughts

It’s New Year’s Eve and I am all alone.  Not that I’m complaining.  In fact, I find genuine happiness and placidity in my solitude.  This is the perfect time for me to outline my resolutions for 2006.

As I look back, I realize that a lot of changes have taken place in my life in 2005.  I took a big leap which didn’t really turn out the way I wanted.  I encountered a lot of frustrations, heartaches and angsts along the way.

As such, here are my resolutions for 2006:

1.  Tonight, I am ostracizing "them" away.  "Them" being the ghosts of my past —the hurts that I’ve experienced and the frustrations that I’ve had. 

2.  I shall never look back on the decision I have made. I must stop desiring the things that I previously had that do not have now.  Looking back has only led me to frustrations and eventual dissatisfaction. Hence, this too have to be expulsed.

3.  I shall never lose sight of my goals.  I must not forget the reason why I am here and should re-orient my actions towards the fulfillment of my goals.

To sum up my resolutions, I choose to borrow a line from my college roommate:  "I refuse to be defeated by human weakness!"

Call me difficult but i really can’t stand living with and being with too many people for a long time in one house.  Late last night, my landlady’s niece, with her family, came to our house.  I was already fast asleep in my bed, maybe drooling, when she woke me up and asked me to move my car ’cause it was blocking the garage and they needed to park their car inside.  I thought it was in my dream, but realized that it was for real when i heard my name being called a couple of times.  Grudgingly, i got out of bed and proceeded outside.  They were very apologetic though and i mumbled that it was okay ’cause it doesn’t happen all the time anyway (I hope).  But this does not erase the fact that I was a little irritated and i didn’t make any effort to hide it.  This has propelled me  even more to get out of the house this Christmas.  My landlady says another family is coming.  They have this one big reunion going on.  Being the outsider, this does not appeal to me very much.  What, with all those people talking at the same time and all those kids running around.  It’s gonna drive me nuts!

I don’t mean to be too gauche, but the part I miss most about Christmas in the Philippines is the bonus. I miss the 13th and 14th month pay! It is only 6 days before Christmas and I am still penniless. I don’t think there is going to be a Christmas bonus for my company this year.

I was out yesterday with my roommate and a friend to this big sale at an outlet store and it made me feel bad that I have no extra money to spend. Had I been back home, I would already have had my 13th and possibly 14th month pay, plus my coop earnings. I would have had bought myself a couple of nice things and a number of gifts for my family and friends. But since I am out here, and since there is no bonus to anticipate, they will have to be content with the cards that I sent them. Afterall, it’s the though that counts, right? I know, but it doesn’t feel right. Damn.