My Life… My Thoughts

I came here at Spring time.  The first time I set foot in this country, everything looked so bright and beautiful.  Flowers were in bloom and the sun was ever so bright.  I was happy, excited, anxious about everything that lay ahead.  I was excited to live my dream.  There was never a down time for me.  It seems like everywhere I go, there was always something new, something exciting, something different.  I wanted to try and experience all sorts of things….wanted to live my life to the fullest.  Like the flowers that were starting to bloom, I started to spread my wings by meeting people, establishing my career, starting new things.

Then came summer.  The best season of all.   The days were longer, the sun was brighter and the mood was happier.  Summer is my season.  Like its blazing heat searching for areas to penetrate, I am ever so curious…always in search for something, always on the lookout for that elusive place, that elusive dream.   It was in summer when I thought I’ve found that dream.    But little did I know that dreams are always elusive.  That is why they are called as such—you can never live them.

With the changing season, I am currently feeling that the dream I thought I lived when I  came here was never mine.   There will always be that something, some dream, and it will always evade me.  This, I should understand and start to accept.  I should be happy and content with what I have now, and count my blessings.   Winter is yet to come and if I don’t wage war with the negative emotions in my life, I would never be happy.  I choose to be happy.   

Nevertheless,  I’ll continue to chase after that dream no matter how elusive it may be.

I have never felt so right about something concerning my job since this morning.  Being new at this company, I’ve been committing little mistakes here and there.  Some people were forgiving enough and excused my little mistakes.  However, I have this co-worker who feels that he is always right.  He has been working with this company for more than 15 years and he felt infallible.   One time I committed a huge mistake, he rubbed it in my face which really ticked me off.

This morning I felt vindicated when we argued about something and upon a quick check of the records, I was right.  It was a huge, huge mistake on his part and if I would’ve been vicious enough, I would have rubbed it in.  But that I didn’t do.  I could only feel sorry for him but at the same time I felt good that this incident somehow lessened his arrogance and increased his respect for me.

There is still justice in this world.

To maximize my fitness club membership, I usually avail of the sauna services of the hollywood bally fitness club.  Every Saturday, I make it a point to join my friends there for a supposedly long  and relaxing day at the sauna.  But little did I know that this activity could be the source of so many funny moments.

Today I went there all alone since my friends were off somewhere.  Though it was not my first time to see people walking around naked, still it made me uncomfortable.  Being relatively conservative, I find it hard, almost impossible, to just shed off my clothes and walk around naked all over the place.  But these women…man, they just easily walk naked all over the place without a care in the world.  Just this morning, there was this lady getting naked in front of me. I already saw her starting to peel her clothes off and expected her to turn her back towards me.  But that she didn’t do.  In order not to make a big deal about it, I just went on and placed my things on the bench near her.  I slightly bent down to organize my stuff from my bag and as I was ready to face up, her boobs were literally right in front of my face.  I felt a little embarassed and blushed right on the spot.  She just gave me a quizzical look, as if to say:  "why, don’t you have these too?"  So I didn’t make a big deal out of it and proceeded to the sauna.

As I entered the shower rooms, the floors were very slippery .  I tried so hard to keep my balance but arrgh! it was too late.  I tripped and fell to the floor landing on all fours.  I thought it was funny, so I laughed at myself.  The old lady who was watching  me laughed too.  As she did, she involuntarily farted, which made us laugh even more.  She was chinese I believe, so I didn’t really understand a thing she was saying. She must’ve said something like: "hey, excuse my farting but please be careful."

Whew! the things I experience at the sauna. 

I love to dance.  After yesterday’s hip hop dance session, I now sit back and ponder on some poignant musings about life and dancing.  It is quite interesting how life and dancing have many parallelisms…..

If I want to dance pretty well, I make sure that I am in tune with the beat and my moves are in synch with the music that is playing.  In life, I have to adapt to the times and make the most out of whatever situation I am dealt with.  My situation is my music and the act of living is my dance…..

In dancing, I can do my own thing, but there are certain basic movements that I need to follow to be able to dance well. Similarly in life, I have the freedom to make choices but there are natural and man-made rules I need to follow in order to live a peaceful life…..

When I dance, I try as much as possible to do it as gracefully as I can, but I cannot do all the moves due to some physical limitations.  In life, I have high goals and ambitions but I am limited to the talents and resources that I have….. 

In dancing, I see life and I try as much as possible to do my best in the dance of life….

I don’t know if I have conveyed my thoughts clearly.  I guess this blog is a feeble attempt to find meaning in things that are seemingly trivial and  mundane.  This is not (x+y-z) abc / xy , but I was hoping it can make use of whatever dendrites are left in this brain of mine.