My Life… My Thoughts

It has been several days now since Hurricane Katrina has struck certain parts of the United States.  It was reported to have claimed around 80 lives in the US Gulf Coast. According to the last news radio commentary show that I listened to, Katrina may be one of the worst storms that the US has experienced since it has ravaged a lot of structures and establishments and claimed a few lives.  The show reported that somewhere in Louisiana, the temporary shelter itself has experienced drippings and it seems like Katrina’s wrath is just about ready to strike there. 

Storms bring about destruction and for those directly hit by it, sorrow due to loss.  They do not only hit us on the physical level but on certain areas of our lives as well.

I was just chatting with a few of my close friends and co-workers back home when they told me that the Lapus family, the owners of my former company, is currently experiencing their own personal storms as well.  I was saddened by the news since I have been close to them and have always considered them my extended family.  Their own personal storm involved sickness in the family, which I believe is something that just came unexpectedly.  When I was back home, Che (my former roommate and a soon-to-be-"Lapus" ) and I , were always discussing how lucky the Lapus children are for having an easy life.  They had been blessed with material wealth, a good family and seemingly lesser responsibility compared to ours, them being under the shelter of their father.  Unbeknownst to us is the storm that have struck them now.   I was talking to Rachel ( the oldest of the Lapuses)  last night, and she has concurred with my previous observation.  She even added that never has she imagined having to go through what they are undergoing now.  The cliche, "when it rains, it pours" is true to them now.  It was sad too, since it was her birthday, and I couldn’t greet her "happy birthday" ’cause I know she isn’t happy.  I couldn’t emphatize fully with her, since I have never been in such a similar situation.  But this does not spare me from having to undergo my own personal storms too.

My own personal storm involved a heartache and a lot of unfilfilled expectations.  I decided to come here for career advancement, expecting to succeed right away.  However, things are not as rose-colored as I thought.  I had to start from scratch and go through a lot of financial burdens, just to get my papers straightened out.  Another reason why I came here was to find out if I have a future with someone I cared about.  Again, I was disappointed since this person did not turn out as what I expected.  The relationship ended and I had to fend for myself while undergoing the heartache, since I am all alone.  A couple of times, I had to ask myself if the trip was all worth it.  However, I was finally able to weather my own storm and got my feet back on track again.   I couldn’t say that I emerged triumphant, but one thing is definite though:  I survived!  This wouldn’ t have happened if not for all the prayers, the support of my friends and family and with God’s grace.  Somehow, my storm also opened up doors and new opportunities for me. 

Right now, I am happy  with my current state, and quite optimistic of beautiful things to come.  My personal storms left me scars but these scars have become my weapons.  It has brought me closer to God, who has a reason for making things happen.  I am sure that the Lapus family will be able to survive their own storm in the same way that the victims of hurricane Katrina can.  After undergoing a storm, one should be excited to experience the blessings that are about to come.

The sepikmom tagged me:

So, I am feta…

You are feta!

You are a salty, crumbly cheese from Greece. You are overflowing with charisma. You are a confident intellectual who is very ambitious.

Feta is one of the most famous cheeses in Greece. It is made in various sizes, often as a loaf-shape. Feta is solid, but crumbly with some fissures. Pure white, it has a milky fresh acidity. Feta was originally made with either ewe’s milk or a mixture of ewe’s and goat’s milk, but today most feta is made with pasteurized milk and tastes of little besides salt. Some people are put off by the strong salt content but the salt is intended only as a preservative and is not supposed to overpower the taste of the cheese. Feta can be soaked in fresh, cold water or milk for a few minutes or longer, if necessary, to make it less salty. [ Country: Greece || Milk: cow, ewe, and goat milk || Texture: soft ]

Come on and find out what type of cheese you are:

http://cupped-expressions.net/cheese/quiz/

My boss just left the office today.  He and his wife are going on a skiing expedition for a couple of days.  I should be happy about this, knowing that he wouldn’t be behind my back watching every mistake that I make.  However, I find myself indifferent towards the responsibility that comes with it.  He has placed me in-charge of everything that goes around the office.  And I mean everything…down to the nitty gritty details of buying the minor ingredients that the production people would need to make pizza samples.  He left me with some cash and his credit card in case there are emergency supplies that need to be purchased.  Though this is the perfect time for me to show them that I am capable of handling bigger responsibilities, I feel indifferent towards it.  Perhaps because I am not paid as much to be handling such, or I am just simply lazy.  I hope it is not the latter.  I’m scared that I have slowly imbibed the American mindset of always putting a numerical figure for every effort spent.  But more than anything, I detest the thought of doing the things that my boss does.

I detest the thought of having to deal with Roberto, my grumpy mexican co-worker.  It is always difficult to talk to him because he doesn’t give you 100% of his attention and his aura is simply obnoxious.  However, he holds key responsibility, being there since the company started.  If one wants to get things done, one has to go through him.  Another thing I detest is the thought of having to stay at the production area, where it is freaking hot and loud "earwax eradicating" Mexican music is being played.  These guys really love playing their music so loud.  I don’t know if I detest it because I don’t understand it, or simply because I do not like their music. Maybe both.  Majority of my co-workers are Mexicans and 80% of them don’t speak english.  I have to grapple with my Spanish if only to get my point across.  I oftentimes have to get pointers from K, who speaks Spanish so fluently.    But dont get me wrong, most of them are nice to me though.  Language barrier is just a major problem and more often than not, I have a hard time relating to them.

Whew!  I don’t know how tomorrow would go, I just hope that I would be able to fit in the Big Man’s shoes.

I attended the Western Food Expo and Hospitality Show last weekend.  Our company had a booth that we shared with an ice cream company.  It was my first time to attend a trade show here in the US, but it wasn’t anything new to me since I have been to a couple of these types of shows in the Philippines.  I guess the only difference now is that I am now with an American company, mingling with the american crowd.

It was pretty tiring since we had to cook pizzas all day.  The show ran from 10am-4pm, and there were many attendees.  We were glad though ’cause we were able to secure a couple of leads.  Though it was tiring, we made an effort to make it fun.  James, my cool boss and Bridget our national sales manager coaxed me into drinking 2 glasses of wine.  I was a little tipsy for awhile but it all died down when it was time to leave.  I mean, I have to act sober to be able to drive home. And hell, I just got my driver’s license so I shouldn’t mess up.  I was also happy since Patty, my other boss complimented me by saying that I did a good job.  She said: "Grace, you did a good job.  I just want you to know that."  I felt really good and didn’t mind my tiredness.  I also realized from that show that I might want to be in sales. 

This desire was reinforced when I talked to one potential customer this morning and she appreciated my helping her.  There was also a customer yesterday who commented to Patty that I was the one who really helped them a lot.  Patty said: "Oh Grace?  yeah, we love Grace."  It made me feel good and got me into thinking that perhaps I should explore sales.  I don’t know if i’ll be eventually good at it, but it’s worth a try.

I just played my first formal kickball game last night.  I have always loved this game and for a while I thought I was good at it.  But not last night.  Last night was disastrous for me.  I believe I played a crappy game.  Perhaps it was brought about by my anxiety, but I kicked the ball so softly it wasn’t even fouled.  Hence, it was too easy for the other team to tag me.  One good thing though, is that my teammates were pretty supportive and reassured me it was okay.  They say it’s just kickball anyway, and we were just there to have some fun.  And fun was the reason why I was there for.

I was initially excited even before I showed up for the game because the team name alone sounds like fun.  How creative can you get when you name your team "pregnant cheerleaders."  I don’t know how it was derived, but it is so funny.  Some of my teammates have big bellies though, so that might have started it.  I initially had apprehensions when I decided to show up last night due to my racial inferiorities, and the fact that K was not there.  What was the deciding factor though was the fact that I already paid my dues and it would be unwise to throw away money just because of low self-esteem.  So last night I went.

Parking at Poinsettia park was tough.  I finally got to park a few minutes before the games started, which left me no room to warm up and practice with the team.  When I got there, my team captain just handed me a shirt to wear, a bandanna and included me in the line-up.  A quick wave of introductions ensued and I was glad that the team was quite welcoming.  I was still a bit insecure, but I didn’t let it get the best of me.  Another girl named Emily was also new to the team and she instantly became my buddy.  We were both too scared to play since it was our first game.

We played against short bus, who I think is quite a good team composed mostly of semi-athletic folks.  However, I was glad that I was grouped with the pregnant cheerleaders.  They are quite a rowdy and warm bunch and I guess my initial attempt at socialization was successful.  I’m looking forward to another fun game next week, and I am determined to do it better this time.

I don’t know how to start.  My friends have always told me that I fall too hard.  I sometimes deny it, but it’s true.  My mistakes in the past should have taught me to be stronger, to be a little unemotional, but it’s easier said or rather thought of, than done.

As my friend Ginee has said, I have loved and lost and is now living a life after love.  For me, the surefire way to live a life after love is to find another love.  That’s what I did…..but it got me into thinking, "what if this love doesn’t last? will I have to live a life after love over and over again?  And what if he gets back with his old love?"  Ironically, my new love is also living a life after love.  He doesn’t know I love him yet, and i wonder if it would freak him out. 

I thought I was just on the rebound when I started dating my new love K, but i confirmed just now that I’m definitely not.  R, my previous love just called me and we talked for a couple of minutes.  He asked how I was and prodded about my love life, a topic we have evaded for so long.  Surprisingly, I just started pouring out my heart to him.  I told him all about this new love without even caring how he felt.  I was also surprised for not feeling anything from my end.  This was the person who I thought was THE ONE, and yet I am now telling him all about my NEW ONE!  When we talked, I felt so relieved and pacified.  I also felt a sudden surge of emotion for K, my new love.  Although I have been paranoid these past few days, since it seems like K has been keeping his distance.  Is he bored with me already?  What if he suddenly stops seeing me, am I supposed to go through another heartbreak all over again?

This thing called LOVE scares me, but the thought of not having it in my life is scarier.  If I have to live a life after love over and over again, I am willing to do so, ’cause nothing compares to the feeling of being in love.

An article I read from the Institute of Food Technologists:

HACCP undergoing review

8/16/2005-The Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS) is seeking comments on the financial impact of its Pathogen Reduction/Hazard Analysis Critical Control Point (HACCP) regulations on small and very small plants.
All federal agencies are required, under the Regulatory Flexibility Act, to review existing regulations that have a significant impact on a substantial number of small businesses to determine whether the impact can be minimized.
Small plants are those which have between 10 and 499 employees and more than $2.5 million in annual sales. Very small plants have fewer than 10 employees and less than $2.5 million in annual sales.
The deadline for comments is October 11, 2005. See here for more information.

MY THOUGHTS

As a food technologist, I am all for HACCP.  I believe that it is a very effective food safety tool, but one that can easily be used for political reasons.

As an efficient food safety tool, it identifies potential hazards that can occur during the production of a certain food product, thereby stopping them before they occur.  It is a brilliant idea since theoretically, it identifies the hazards, identifies means of controlling them, and records things that have been done to control them.  In terms of traceability, nothing can beat it.  Every single detail in the production of a certain product is inspected and scrutinized.  But to do this would entail a lot of costs—manpower, equipment, various laboratory tests, costs of inspection and certification, etc….costs  that make it prohibitive for the small scale industries.

Another downside of it is that for some countries, it is also being used as a technical barrier to trade.  There are countries that now require HACCP for most imported goods, which makes it more difficult for people in the third world countries to bring their goods into the market.  What’s disheartening though is that rules for third world countries are so stringent, while rules for domestic goods are not.   

But with all that being said,  I still believe that the advantages still outweigh the disadvantages.  Not because I am a HACCP specialist, but who wouldn’t want a safe food supply?

I just passed the behind-the-wheel drive test yesterday! This means that I can now be issued my California driver’s license.  It had been an agonizing process for me.  At first I thought it was easy.  I just went to the DMV, paid the necessary dues, had my picture taken and took the written test.  I did all these in San Francisco, and since I had no car to drive then, i decided not to take the behind-the-wheel test right away.

When I decided to move to LA, I also decided to take the behind the wheel test so I can get my card and drive legally.  I was pretty confident when I went to the testing center in Torrance, thinking that it would be easy since I have been driving for quite a long time already in the Philippines.  I was proven wrong.  The driving test was too technical for me.  My renegade style had no place.  Needless to say, I failed my first attempt.

Still unquivering, I decided to take the test again in culver city.  This time, I was nervous…too nervous for my own sake.  I was a little disoriented and i failed the test for the second time.  And boy, did I feel bad.  It all dawned on me that if I fail the test for the third time, I would have to do everything all over again.  That was the reason why I really made an extra effort to practice and prepare myself for the test yesterday.

Finally, it all paid off since I passed the test this time.  Now I can legally drive anywhere!  During my second failed attempt, my roommate consoled me by saying: " Don’t worry, just think of yourself as the best illegal driver in California."  Well, I can take the "il" from that phrase now.