My Life… My Thoughts

I have a penchant for wearing high-heeled shoes.  It comes with my height, I suppose.  Somehow, a few additional inches makes a difference.  But I am a clumsy. This is the problem.

As I was walking on the sidewalk on my way to work today, I suddenly tripped over an uneven portion of the pavement.  “Damn these shoes!  I almost injured my ankle.” I said to myself.  Out of embarassment, I looked around to see if somebody saw me.  Since it was early,  nobody else was on the sidewalk.  Thank God.  But suddenly,  a guy in a car slowed down and had this concerned look on his face asking me if I was alright.  Apparently, somebody saw me.  Though a little embarassed, I told him everything was fine and went on my way.  I’m glad this is America.  Given a similar situation in PI, he  would have laughed at me.

Or maybe that guy was an actor and he was just brushing on his acting skills, pretending to look concerned while dying with laughter inside. Oh well, who knows.  For now, I vowed not to  walk on uneven pavements. ;-) 

My social calendar had suddenly gotten very busy lately.   I recently met these amazing people and there is always some kind of activity every week that it seems so difficult to keep up with writing.  There are so many things springing up, which leads me to believe that I may have bitten off more than I can chew.  But even so, I am happy.  That’s what’s important.

I have this tendency of putting myself in a situation where helping out does more harm than good.  Due to my penchant for challenges, I always try to solve whatever problems I encounter before I put undue pressure to the ones concerned.  That was what happened to me yesterday.

My company’s reefer truck was parked in the neighbor’s parking lot completely blocking their driveway.  The van from the other building was already back from its route and was ready to enter their lot but couldn’t do so because of our truck.  Seeing the parked truck, the driver of the van then kept honking hoping that we would move our truck.  But with no direct reaction from his desperate attempt for attention, he then went inside our building fuming because of the parked truck.  I tried to calm him down and told him to wait a minute longer while I get someone to move the truck out.  Our driver was already gone for the day, so I went back to our production area to ask the production supervisor to move the truck.  He was busy with something else and told me to wait 10 minutes.  I was thinking; "10 minutes? That’s too long.  Plus, the illegally parked vehicles were already creating a slight traffic jam."  Seeing the dilemma written all over my face, one of the production guys volunteered to move it.  I don’t know what I was thinking, but I gave him authorization to do so.  I even volunteered to guide him.  I guess I must be the worst guide you could ever have.  I now realized that I can never be a traffic cop.  I told him to keep backing out without realizing that he was about to hit another van.  Before I could get him to stop, it was too late.  The truck already hit the van and made a slight dent on its dashboard.  We were both stunned.  But the damage has been done.  When I went to tell my boss about the whole episode, he was infuriated.  First because of the damage done and secondarily because the guy who I authorized to move the truck was not on the truck’s insured drivers list.  The production supervisor was.  All I can do was apologize for my sheer ignorance while he roasted my sorry ass. And it could have been worse.  Since I have been in more "manly" situations like doing a car wash or changing a flat tire, I was seriously contemplating of moving the truck myself.  Imagine how badly it would have gone. 

This has been an eye-opener for me.  There are times when I need to pinch myself to make me realize that I couldn’t solve all the problems that come my way and that waiting 10 minutes is better than repairing a damage.   

i joined the tutor training of the LA public library adult literacy program last saturday and my heart almost melted when they showed us videos of graduates of the program.  i’ve always taken reading for granted and i never realized how difficult it is to live in our world today without knowing how to read.  i was also unaware that a lot of people here in LA do not know how to read, considering that this is one of the major cities in the most powerful nation in the world.  the videos showed how learning how to read made a tremendous impact in a person’s life.  i was just taking this volunteer work lightly and i never thought it could get me emotional.

my motive for volunteering was very simple.  i just wanted to make use of my spare time. i am not giving up anything for holy week so  i decided to do something that is soul-enriching rather than self-centered.    after seeing a billboard about the adult literacy program, i decided to make a go for it.  the first step was to meet with the program coordinator, and it went well.  this was the second step. 

now i can’t wait for the third step.

After much thought and a little push from a friend, I did it. I finally summoned the courage to talk to my boss about getting a raise. Doing this can only mean two things: either I get what I want, or I get fired. I somehow managed not to get fired. Not that I got everything I wanted, but the compromise was good enough. With this, I felt like I found my old self again.

Eversince I came here, I’ve lost the fighter in me. There is much to be said about why this happened. Being a foreigner in a foreign land, I felt like my rights are limited. I felt like everyday is a struggle to prove myself. There is too much competition, and somehow it made me hold on to what I currently have. I felt like I could never afford to lose a job, that’s why I put up with whatever salary and responsibilities my current job has to offer. But lately with all the crap I’ve been getting, I decided to risk it all. But I didn’t do it carelessly. I did my homework and calculated my risks. Then I was blessed with a friend who gave me useful insights about the whole situation which somehow solidified my decision to do it. And was I glad that I did it.

I’m proud of myself. Irregardless of what the outcome would’ve been, I would still have felt the same. It’s about knowing what I want, and going for it. It’s all about following my heart thus living life to the fullest.

my head is throbbing ….. but it’s hot

my body’s aching ….. but it’s hot

i’m tired ….. but it’s hot

life still sucks ….. but it’s hot

I thought I was already used to the habits of the old people who frequent the sauna of the gym that I go to.  But I was wrong.  These people never fail to amuse me.

Apart from the blatant nakedness of those hovering around,  there were some little things that I really find very funny.  Picture this.  In one corner, a lady was eating.  In another corner, an old grandma was lying down on a piece of clothing which to me looked like a diaper.  And this is the winner.  Three old ladies were talking about pearls when all of a sudden one of them tilted a little bit and let out a big pooott!  Yup, she farted.  The amazing thing though was that her friends didn’t seem to mind.  They still went on with their conversation as if nothing happened.  I am not sure if I was the only one who find this laughable but deep inside I was laughing my guts out.

Oh well, the joys of being old.

Sometimes I wonder.  Is this really the life for me?  Is there really light at the end of the tunnel?  Is this where I am really supposed to be?

My over-analytical self is telling me to evaluate which goals I have accomplished so far.  To say it honestly, there wasn’t really much.  I am again questioning whether the path I thought would lead me to my goal is really the way.  Do I really have to wait that long?  Am I too impatient?  What do else do I need to do to expedite the process? 

I’m tired.